Exploring questions about dying and death that nag at us can give us great peace of mind.  How do we deal with anticipatory grief?  Sometimes it’s easier to talk to an outside person about our concerns.  In one-on-one, family, or group settings we can explore whatever is on your mind.  I approach the entire continuum of life from a Catholic perspective, with humility and sensitivity. 

If you’re not sure where to begin with planning or preparing for end of life for yourself, a loved one, or a group that you are in, we can set up a one-time meeting, or a series of conversations to help you get your bearings and decide how you want to move forward.  Any topic is on the table, including:

• Aging and living well;

• Coping with a serious / terminal diagnosis;

• Managing a disease process;

• Recognizing anticipatory grief and mourning;

• Optimizing relationship with medical / hospice care team;

• Facing mortality;

• Understanding what death looks like;

• Managing caretaking;

• Supporting our loved ones. 

Anxiety about aging, living with illness, and dying can be greatly reduced by simply tackling and completing essential plans and documents that go beyond standard estate planning.  Aside from a legacy of love, detailed, organized arrangements are the best gifts you can leave your loved ones, as those left behind spend hundreds of hours gathering all the information that is needed to responsibly manage your affairs.

I offer a variety of tools that make the planning and documentation process straightforward, and that keep the information organized for you.  Together, we discuss:

• Living Well Scenario Planning:  We can explore and articulate where and how you would like to live given a variety of circumstances, which will provide a flexible long-term vision.

• Living will:  What it is – and isn’t – and what is allowed by Catholic teaching (which is often misunderstood).

• Health care proxy:  Your choice of, and frequent communication with, your HCP matter even more than your living will, should you not be able to direct your own care.

• Vigil plan:  How would you like your last days and hours to look?  Who would you like to be there? What special items would you like in the environment – candles, a view of nature, readings, prayers, music? Would you like to receive Last Rites?

• Disposition of the body:  Having a plan matters!  You can make pre-paid arrangements or leave clear instructions for cremation or burial which don’t have to break the bank.

• Wake, funeral, and burial / inurnment:  The richness of Catholic faith and the rituals it offers surrounding death and mourning are a great gift in terms of bringing family and friends together and giving them closure.  You can choose how and where you would like the wake to be observed and, within the parameters of your parish or diocese, select the readings, hymns, and participants for your funeral Mass.

• Practical matters:  Organize information about your accounts, passwords, bills, etc, in a clear fashion so that family and your executor can seamlessly close accounts and settle your affairs.  Leaving clarity about the practical minutiae is tremendous gift!

Preparation is distinct from planning. Planning pertains to tasks that can be checked off a list, while preparation refers to the interior disposition of an individual and family to approach the final journey with readiness. Have I left a legacy, a way by which the things that matter to me will be remembered? Have I asked for forgiveness? Have I forgiven? Most importantly, have I made peace with God?

I approach these matters with great respect and sensitivity and find that despite the experience of a body in decline, an individual and family can paradoxically experience tremendous peace and wholeness.

The prospect of impending death can bring clarity and a sense of urgency to our approach to life and helps us to tackle the question, what really matters?  I offer support and accompaniment in taking on any or all of the following endeavors:

• Completing a life review:  Reflecting on one’s life – not just the events and chronology, but rather, with a focus on relationships – sometimes reveals unfinished business that needs to be addressed.  We are in relationship with other people, of course, and with God, hopefully, but also with our accomplishments, possessions, reputations, our bodies, work, time, etc. It can be revealing to examine these domains more closely. Taking an honest look also helps us to more objectively reframe our interpretation of our lives – or events therein - which can be healing.

• Preparing a legacy project:   Distilling the most meaningful lessons from one’s life, which can take the form of a letter or letters, a memoir, or an essay, creates a meaningful gift to those who know you.

• Seeking reconciliation and engaging in forgiveness:  As they say, we die the way we live, so it’s never too soon to bring healing to relationships.  We need to ask forgiveness and offer it, with the recognition that it may not be extended or received, but the internal work of seeking and offering can bring about great peace of heart.  I encourage you to reach out to your pastor, so that you may avail yourself of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I can assist in reaching out to people in your life with whom you want to set things right.

Individuals and families sometimes find that they need a bit of guidance and extra support, an outside person who can help navigate family dynamics, liaise with the hospice team, offer companionship, and provide respite so that caretakers can rest or run errands.

I bring a calming and prayerful presence to listen, to witness, and to simply BE with you or your loved one. In the weeks, days, and hours before death, I help with last minute practical planning, encourage and facilitate final emotional and spiritual preparation, and aid in honoring the dying by supporting and/or accompanying family and friends in sitting vigil.

My goal is to help you fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith. (cf 2 Timothy 4:7-8)